


Alive

by ceewritesstuff



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: ...Kinda, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a song, Gen, Hinata is a good friend, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Kageyama Tobio, Reincarnation, Tags May Change, Team Bonding, Team as Family, found family type beat, it's only at the end for the most part but still
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:41:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24843229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceewritesstuff/pseuds/ceewritesstuff
Summary: Tobio feels extremely alone and this is his journey to finally knowing what it feels to be alive.
Relationships: Kinoshita Hisashi/Narita Kazuhito
Kudos: 4





	Alive

**Author's Note:**

> "This is your life.  
> Windows down on an open road.  
> And this is your heart.  
> Screaming climbing into your throat.  
> And this is breathing.  
> And seeing it go.  
> And this is the feeling of being alive." Alive-KC Katalbas

_How does it feel?_

_To be alive I mean._

_I'll never know so I wanted to ask you at least._

_But you didn't really seem keen on the idea of life either._

**I felt like a caged bird, waiting to finally be set free.**

**It's angry, like watching an open flame burn through something.**

**It's like screaming in an empty forest, lonely and raw.**

**It's like being in a crowded room, loud and chaotic.**

_Why do you keep answering the question with things I'll never feel?_

_And why do your answers sound so adverse?_

**I can't answer that question without those feelings, and those feelings are why they're contradicting.**

_Well then isn't that the answer?_

_To feel?_

**I don't know.**

_Well_ _then I guess you need to find out, before I take you where you're going._

**Okay. But I doubt I'll ever change my answers even if I do enjoy life this time.**

_We'll see in time. Have fun, and fly high Tobio._

* * *

  
  
  


**_Thunk_ **

_._

**_Thunk_ **

_._

**_Thunk_ **

_._

_The only sound he can hear over his crowded mind._

_._

**_Thunk_ **

_._

**_Thunk_ **

_._

**_Thunk_ **

_._

_._

_._

As he’s setting to the brick wall in front of him, he thinks. He thinks about his life from beginning to end. From the first time he held a volleyball to losing to Seijo at the last game of Interhigh. He thinks about all of it as a whole. He’s never felt so alone. Even after being left on the court during his last middle school game, he never felt this isolated. It was overwhelming. The feeling washed over him so quickly he didn’t know how he hadn’t felt it before. The sense of dread made his eyes fill with tears. As they started to spill over, his hand faltered, making the ball finally drop with a loud **_thud_ **.

He stood there, for he didn’t know how long, just contemplating the dark thought he just had.

He had to leave. No one went after him as he slammed the clubroom door, and he was glad, because they would’ve seen something that even Tobio wouldn’t have wanted to see himself do. 

_He gave up._

**_30 minutes prior_ ** **:**

“Since I’ve worked you guys to the bone all week, I’m gonna give you the last half hour today to do whatever you want. Just stay in the club room since it’s after hours and don’t do anything too stupid.” Ukai said as he looked at the exhausted boys in front of him.

Daichi almost immediately spoke up to say something to the freak duo about how that included fighting, but Kageyama had already made his way to the wall and started setting to the brick wall ahead of him. It wasn’t extremely odd for the first year to go off on his own, but he hadn't even looked at any of the others, including Hinata. It was odd, but Daichi didn’t want to push him or make a big deal out of a small incident. He’d ask Suga about it later, or maybe even Hinata if he’d been acting strange lately.

Everyone else had started getting into their own little groups, mostly just lounging around or chatting about. The only people who were still even halfway practicing were Kageyama, Hinata, Narita, and Kinnoshita, but it was obvious that the latter two were flirting more than anything. Asahi had been dragged into one of Tanka’s and Noya’s plans again while Ennoshita glared at the troublesome second years as they passed by. Suga,Yamaguchi, and Yachi were chatting happily as Tsukishima leaned on Yamaguchi with his headphones on his ears, obviously in his own little universe, but occasionally looked at Yamaguchi whenever he moved suddenly. Daichi was standing near Shimizu and Takeda who were having their own soft spoken conversation. Coach Ukai had fallen asleep almost immediately after dismissing the teens to do whatever they wanted.

The sound of the volleyball hitting the brick wall had become background noise to everyone as they were invested in their own activities, until it abruptly stopped with a loud **_thud_ ** echoing in the room. Everyone stopped to look at the first year who had seemingly stopped for no reason, until they saw the tears streaming down his face as he stood motionless. He didn’t know when, but as if he acted on instinct, Daichi walked toward Sugawara to stop him from approaching Kageyama. He knew that this was something the first year had to tell the team on his own, no matter how much the team wanted to comfort him immediately after seeing him look so defeated.

It seemed as if seconds were hours as they all watched in stunned silence at the usually stoic Kageyama stood shoulders hunched, looking fragile enough to break with the single utterance of a word. When he finally moved, he left the volleyball at his feet and quickly left the clubroom, not even bothering to change out of his workout clothing. Even grabbing his bag seemed like an afterthought or an impulse decision. It was clear that he was trying to leave as quickly as he could. 

“You guys need to… fix that. I don’t deal with crying people so…” Ukai finished lamely as the team started to move from their transfixed state staring at the clubroom door. They shared concerned looks as Ukai left immediately after saying that muttering something about a smoke break and not repeating the past.

The team meeting was.. odd to say the least. No one really had a good guess as to what was making Kageyama so upset. No one had even noticed that HInata had left through the door the same time Ukai did.

Overall, they just decided to let it be and deal with whatever Kageyama had to say about the incident and act as if nothing happened for the time being.

_“King? King?! The Boss wants to see you immediately.” said a very visibly annoyed assistant_

_“Alright.” the man in the office chair mumbled quietly_

**_What’s going on? He thought as he looked into the scene_ ** **“Just watch.” a disembodied voice said next to Tobio**

_The man got up and Tobio finally got to see the man’s face. It looked familiar, almost too familiar until he realized it was his. He obviously looked much older than Tobio, but the resemblance was uncanny. It was strange to see someone who looked so much like him walking around disoriented in a suit and tie in a small office. His older self finally got to the Boss’s office and shut the door behind him. He seemed to already know what the man in the desk chair was going to say._

_“I saw your letter of resignation on my desk this morning, what happened, King?” the man in the red chair asked._

_Older Tobio (king?) sighed and wrung his hands, “It’s me and Sakura, we had a… falling out and I’m moving back home. I can’t stay in the same house as her anymore. It hurts too much after knowing what she did.”_

_“...oh. I’m so sorry, but are you really sure you’re just gonna uproot yourself like this? You were on your way to being regional manager and no one else can lead this project the way you can.”_

_“You guys will be fine, and I already found a place to stay back home. I think it’d be better for me to go back to my roots and find myself there.”_

_“As long as you’ll be okay, I’ll put your two weeks in, thank you for all the work you’ve done King. You will be missed greatly here.”_

_“It was my pleasure Kai, really.”_

_As King left the office, his face fell into a deeper expression, one of despair and regret. It was hard to watch himself look so forlorn._

  
  


Suddenly everything was back to normal. He was standing in front of his house and as he opened the door and walked to his room, he fell to his knees. The feeling of loneliness came back engulfing him. He didn’t know how to make it stop.

He felt a buzz in his back pocket, his phone. He waited until it stopped to unlock it.

_1 new voice message from: BOKE (Hinata)_

He put his phone on speaker in the empty house and listened to the muffled voice of his volleyball partner.

“Hey, yamayama, you looked really upset today, and i mean _actually_ upset, not just your normal face.” Tobio rolled his eyes at that, “but uh, I just wanted to say that i hope whatever happened gets better especially since we’re going against The Grand King again soon. I wouldn’t want our season to end with him, that jerk.” oh… he had forgotten about Interhigh all together “so get better soon! I still wanna win and like you said, with you I’m invincible! I’ll see you tomorrow Bakeyama.” 

_With me, you are invincible_ **_._ **

He vaguely remembered saying that to Hinata at one point, but he hadn’t thought that idiot would still recall that exact quote months after. It made him feel a bit better knowing that someone was actually listening to him. 

He still didn’t really know what that flashback meant, but it wasn’t his priority at the moment. His one and only goal was to win Interhigh to go to nationals. 

**Author's Note:**

> hola hola, i’m cee and this is my first Haikyuu fic and I really hope you guys like it!! Comment anything specific you want to see in this because while I do have a plan and outline, I’m not sure what people actually wanna see.This is set in season 2 but the fight never happens bc this does instead.  
> Also please follow my socials (all are ceeisamess) where I've posted links to petitions, donation sites and other sources where you can help the Black Lives Matter movement and support black trans organizations also!! Stay safe and Happy Pride 💕


End file.
